waiting for a call...

This has to be one of the hardest types of "waiting" involved in foster care. Up until now we have been waiting on paperwork, waiting on people, waiting on processing, etc.  Now we are waiting for a placement. Here we are, all ready and waiting and super excited to welcome a child into our home! My kids ask at least once a day when we are going to get foster kids!

Which in all reality means we are waiting for a child to be yanked out of their home and everything they know.  It is impossible to actually want that kind of trauma for a child. On the other side, it is also impossible to want a child to stay in a place where they are being hurt or put in danger. So, you deal with this strange, impossible mix of emotions while you constantly watch your phone both dreading and hoping it will ring.  Hoping to get a call asking you to take a precious little one, dreading the thought of the pain and confusion you will see in the child they bring to your door. Not to mention the upheaval that will come to the entire household when you introduce a new person into the family dynamic, especially one dealing with trauma. This part is HARD! Even if you have a sweet, quiet, well behaved child there will still be very difficult transitions and frustration as you merge into a new type of family.

 When we did this last time, I have to say I was blissfully ignorant and blind to much of the pain of the tiny people we cared for.  Most of our placements were infants and toddlers that we just assumed were little enough and "flexible" enough to not understand what was going on, and we assumed that not understanding meant they weren't traumatized by it. Really?? Naivete at its finest.  (That really was the pinnacle of naivete, because honestly the not understanding has got to be the worst part of all for these little guys!) This time we are going in with a lot better education and a lot more understanding. Which brings the conflict of emotions that currently make my heart jump into my throat or plummet into my stomach every time the phone rings. It takes awhile for my racing heart to calm, and I am sure everyone who calls wonders why I answer their call a bit breathless and somewhat shakily. I have to say the odd combination of disappointment and relief once I see the caller ID has an odd affect on my body, not to mention the surge of adrenaline when I see an unknown number!  (I am not sure yet who exactly will be calling with a placement; our caseworker, the child's, or the "placement coordinator" whose list we were told we would be placed on. Last go round we had placement calls come from any of the above.)

So, we are excited. We are hopeful. I am also scared, worried, and anxious. I also have faith that the Lord called us to foster care and He will be there to help us through all the bumps and bruises that will come with it.