All ready, and waiting!

We got up early this morning to start getting things ready for the girls to arrive, and we have kept busy all day long. Beds had to be rearranged to accommodate three kids rather than two, and the room needed to be changed a bit to make it more teenager appropriate rather than little kid friendly. We bought new pillows and bedding sets last night (because who really wants to sleep on someone elses old drooled on pillow?), and rounded up a corkboard (for pictures and other teenage what not) and a couple mirrors. The room is now all set up, the house is clean, and the kids keep asking "When are they getting here?" We just keep telling them we have no idea. They were supposed to be here around 11:30, but that was a guess based on what their cw said last night. It is a three and 1/2 hour drive from their current location to us, and we have no idea when or if they actually headed our way. Our cw hasn't heard a thing, their cw isn't answering the phone. The weather here has been rainy/snowy all afternoon, so we hope they are safe and just taking their time on the road. A phone call would be nice though.

The Crazy has Started

WoW this week turned into a crazy one. To really get it all in the right order and make it make sense I will break it down into how it happened by day. Otherwise it will get all jumbled and make no sense, because that is what my brain feels like right now!
so...Wednesday:
The day started normal, I talked to my cw and let her know there still hadn't been a phone call. She told me that was very strange as the children's cw had seemed very excited about placing the girls in our home. We talked a bit and decided that she would contact the other cw again, but she would let him know that should another call for a placement come in I would take it.  Turns out the agency policy is "no holding". I guess too many times in the past a family has agreed to take a placement, then not heard from the placing cw for days but still held the spot passing on other placements, only to learn the child/children had been placed somewhere else. SO, they now advise their families to give take any other placements that come along while they are waiting to hear from a caseworker. I was relieved as this gave me a specific game plan and took a lot of guesswork out of the equation.
Then my day went sideways a bit. My preschooler will be starting kindergarten next year, and her headstart had organized a kindergarten preview for around noon on Wednesday. We all met at the elementary school, had a short tour, and then ended up in the kindergarten classrooms to let the kids explore and meet the teachers. Just as we were readying to leave...the school went on lockdown. Scariest. Thing. Ever. In the end the lockdown was precautionary (police action at a nearby home that could have posed a real threat to the kids if things had gone badly) and no one was in real danger. At the moment though, sitting in that room in the dark huddled on the floor with my two smallest, surrounded by kindergarteners, not knowing what was going on outside or where my two other children were inside the school...I was terrified. Up side? Now I know exactly how our school handles a lockdown from the inside. Afterwards I had to calm down my thirdgrader and then leave her with a trusted teacher for the remainder of her lunch time as she didn't feel safe going outside or being alone. I left the school near tears, but I know my daughter and if I had taken her home sending her to school the next day would have been a terrible drama. I went through the rest of the day with heightened feelings. In the evening I got another call. This was another foster parent looking for respite. With a possible impending placement I gave her a maybe, then called my cw again because we still had gotten no call. She advised me to take the respite placement (one to two childeren for 5 days). She said we could also still take the other placement if their cw ever did call. We felt it was unlikely I would end up with all of the kids at once, but she said it wouldn't be against regulations if we did. So I committed to the respite care.

Then Thursday came...
Our dog had been missing since Monday night and we had started to worry. I called animal control. They had found him, but the news was bad. He had been hit by a car and was dead. We picked our older two girls up from school and told them the news, then took them to lunch. We were all broken hearted. Then, around 2pm we finally got the phone call we had been waiting for. The cw wanted to place the girls in our home, and they would be on the way IN THE MORNING. Agh! We kicked into crazy mode and made plans for a run to walmart to get all the last little things we needed to make the girls comfortable. The day left us in a crazy emotional turmoil.

So that brings us to today. My family is waking up and it is time to get busy getting the house in order and organizing the stuff we bought last night. The girls should be arriving around noon today and I want them to feel welcome and comfortable rather than stepping into chaos. We will see how that goes! hahaha! We won't get the respite kids until Sunday, so we will have a couple days to settle in first. Then Monday I get to start dealing with our local high school and junior high getting everyone into their proper classes. I feel like I am about to go on a roller coaster ride...we are locked in and the carriage is picking up speed, about to go up over the first hill!! Wheeeeeee!! It is going to be crazy!!

Caseworker Malfunction

The phone call we were supposed to get today never came...again. Apparently this caseworker is not really very enthusiastic about getting these girls placed in our home. So, everything is still up in the air, for now at least. One more day of just us...and I have to admit I am a little more relieved than disappointed. It just means more time to get it all together before jumping into the chaos. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Nothing is ever what you expected

Our caseworker finally called back. She had been gathering information for us, so while we never did get the call from the other caseworker we now have the information we needed to make a decision. What a hard decision it turned out to be!! Not for the reasons we expected it might be though. Initially we were told the girls were all under 14yrs old. So, in all the scenerios that ran through our heads and filled our discussions we pictured one teenager and a couple girls around our oldest girls ages. NOPE. That is not the case. At all. The girls are ALL teenagers. The oldest is sixteen. Such a different picture!! The rest of the info was all good; teachers rave about them all. Good students. Well adjusted. Not that their history is all peaches and roses (if that was the case they would not be in care at all), but all things considered they seem to be good kids. The huge catch is the idea of taking on THREE teenage girls all at once. I will freely admit that the idea scares the pants off me. While I have some wonderful teenage nieces and nephews I have no practical parenting experience in this area. After lots of prayers and a long phone call with hubby debating pros and cons and weighing feelings and fears we have decided to say yes to a temporary placement. We just cannot let them be separated into shelters when they can be here together. I admit, I have a soft spot for sisters. I was told the goal of their cw is to find a home for them in their home area (we are hours away) where they can all be together, so he will continue to search for a placement for them there. So, unless things go particularly well here the placement should only be for awhile. Of course in CPS terms "awhile" can be anywhere from days to forever. Literally. SO...here is to starting the scariest adventure of my life...jumping feet first into the deep end of parenting teens. Any and all prayers will be tremendously appreciated.

This is just how it goes

The call that was supposed to come today to determine whether or not our big life changing placement was going to happen...never came. Just...didn't happen. Not sure why, not sure what it means. I sent a text to our cw just after noon asking if she knew what was up or when the call might come, but she didn't. She did say she would call the placement line, but then she never got back to me. Now she isn't answering her phone either. I could sit and contemplate all the things the lack of phone call could mean (they found family/another placement, caseworker is busy with another emergency, they don't feel we are a good "fit", etc.), but honestly that won't do much good. This is just how the system works sometimes. Chances are I will get a surprise call after hours or sometime tomorrow asking if we are still interested...or they will wait days to call and tell me they don't need us. *sigh* The joys of a system that fails to appreciate how hard it is to just NOT KNOW. Anything. I don't really need to make plans for the next week or so, right?

Possible placement!

Just got a call tonight from our cw about a possible placement! Not many details yet as they were just calling to see if we were even open to the possibility...of taking 3 kids!!! It is a sibling group of sisters that are currently all in separate homes. The powers that be are really wanting to get them together in one home and our cw thought we might be willing. Without more details all we could say was we would be open to the possibility, but that was all she was looking for tonight. It would mean expanding our license for three instead of two, which she said wouldn't be a problem.  The real question is if we would be able to handle taking on three all at once. That question is really hard to answer without more information than we have right now, so...we will be getting a call from the girls' caseworker on Monday. She will be able to give us more details and answer any questions and we will decide together if it will be a good fit. What a crazy thought though...within a few days our family could go from four to SEVEN kids! Just the idea is a bit overwhelming! We will be doing a lot of discussing and praying tomorrow.

waiting for a call...

This has to be one of the hardest types of "waiting" involved in foster care. Up until now we have been waiting on paperwork, waiting on people, waiting on processing, etc.  Now we are waiting for a placement. Here we are, all ready and waiting and super excited to welcome a child into our home! My kids ask at least once a day when we are going to get foster kids!

Which in all reality means we are waiting for a child to be yanked out of their home and everything they know.  It is impossible to actually want that kind of trauma for a child. On the other side, it is also impossible to want a child to stay in a place where they are being hurt or put in danger. So, you deal with this strange, impossible mix of emotions while you constantly watch your phone both dreading and hoping it will ring.  Hoping to get a call asking you to take a precious little one, dreading the thought of the pain and confusion you will see in the child they bring to your door. Not to mention the upheaval that will come to the entire household when you introduce a new person into the family dynamic, especially one dealing with trauma. This part is HARD! Even if you have a sweet, quiet, well behaved child there will still be very difficult transitions and frustration as you merge into a new type of family.

 When we did this last time, I have to say I was blissfully ignorant and blind to much of the pain of the tiny people we cared for.  Most of our placements were infants and toddlers that we just assumed were little enough and "flexible" enough to not understand what was going on, and we assumed that not understanding meant they weren't traumatized by it. Really?? Naivete at its finest.  (That really was the pinnacle of naivete, because honestly the not understanding has got to be the worst part of all for these little guys!) This time we are going in with a lot better education and a lot more understanding. Which brings the conflict of emotions that currently make my heart jump into my throat or plummet into my stomach every time the phone rings. It takes awhile for my racing heart to calm, and I am sure everyone who calls wonders why I answer their call a bit breathless and somewhat shakily. I have to say the odd combination of disappointment and relief once I see the caller ID has an odd affect on my body, not to mention the surge of adrenaline when I see an unknown number!  (I am not sure yet who exactly will be calling with a placement; our caseworker, the child's, or the "placement coordinator" whose list we were told we would be placed on. Last go round we had placement calls come from any of the above.)

So, we are excited. We are hopeful. I am also scared, worried, and anxious. I also have faith that the Lord called us to foster care and He will be there to help us through all the bumps and bruises that will come with it.