I got a call this morning from the school asking me to come in for a conference. Bee had a run in with one of her teachers in which lots of attitude was exchanged.
(Of course I only got one side of the story over the phone.)
We were dealing with a male teacher, and one that I knew would respond better to another male, so I took hubby along. I also wanted him to speak to Bee first before we came into the conference. They have bonded lately and she really responds well to him. I was also used to threaten her ("if you don't change your attitude...I'll have to call your foster mom to come pick you up"), so I figured she might shut down when she saw me. It ended up being a good call both ways.
I hate teachers with control issues and condescending attitudes. Just saying.
We talked, he lectured, she scowled, he left. Then we had a good conversation with her about dealing civilly with people in authority who aren't very nice and you don't like. Like teachers, and later, bosses. She didn't like it, but she is smart and saw the truth of it. I think it helped her to know that we agreed with her opinion of the teacher. After he left we asked the vice principal (who happens to be a personal friend) to sit down with us and we spoke to her about some specific issues Bee has with this teacher. She was able to offer some ways that Bee could deal with the issues in a direct but respectful manner. She is also going to work on getting Bee a plan in place to help with her learning challenges.
Then, we talked about another issue Bee has been dealing with. Bullies. She has been dealing with a couple girls who have been harassing her in the halls and in the two classes they have together. She has handled it very well so far. Honestly she is totally capable of knocking both of them on their hind ends and getting them off her back that way. She really wanted to do so. But she has chosen not to. Instead she brought her problem to the attention of the school counselor, myself, and the VP. We all agree she is showing great self restraint, especially considering all the other emotional weight she is currently dealing with. The problem has continued though, despite efforts by the VP to put an end to it. So today we discussed it more and in the process found the possible root of the problem; a conversation and a tactless (but well intentioned) comment. Bee was clueless about what caused the hostility at first, but once we got her talking and heard about the exchange and pointed out how it might have embarrassed the other girl and made her angry she was quick to put the pieces together. When I picked her up from school she told me she had taken the VP's advice and went to the other girl and apologized. They made up and "are friends again" and later the girl's BFF (the meaner of the two) ceased hostilities and even went so far as to apologize herself! Bully problem solved! I was so so proud of Bee. She really showed her character through the whole thing. It was a tough situation, and she really handled it well.
In all we spent over two hours at the school sorting things out. I had forgotten how rough junior high can be, but today was a huge reminder. It shows just how great these girls of mine are.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
CFT
So, the CFT was actually last week, but I am finally getting around to posting about it here. For those not in the foster care world: CFT stands for Child Family Team meeting. The meeting takes place either in person or, as in our case, over the phone. All the adults involved in the case (bio parents, foster parents, caseworker, mental health people, etc) get together and talk about the case and the needs of the children. I have not participated in very many of these meetings (our county is not very good about involving foster parents in ANYTHING), so I wasn't quite sure what to expect. The phone conference was a little awkward, but Ms. CW did a good job of mediating and making sure everyone got a chance to be heard and everyone was polite and calm. The first big surprise of the meeting was that Sunshine's bio dad was present, along with a lawyer to represent him. He has not EVER been involved in her life. She has only met him twice in her life. We did not expect him to involve himself with her CPS case at all, so it was a bit of a shocker to us and to Bella and Bee's bio dad, who raised Sunshine from the time she was about 3mos old. It could have gotten a bit ugly, but everything stayed civil.
I was given the chance to report on the girls and how they are doing (all positive), and pass along a few requests from the bio family that they asked about at the memorial. One of those was for possible placement (not likely to happen due to past history, but they want to try). Bio dad for Bella and Bee weighed in and expressed his desire that the girls stay with us until he can take them. I was a bit surprised. He feels his girls are "happy and thriving" with us and he would rather they stay here then go to family. I think there is a lot going on in the family relationships we don't know about. We were ready to support the goal of kinship care, but with both BD and the girls preferring they stay with us we are likely to have them for at least the next six months. That is how long it will be before he can be considered for placement.
Another surprise; Sunshine's BD (let's call him BD#2) wanted to know why his home hadn't had a home study done. The implication was that he wants to be considered for placement. I assume he means for Sunshine only, but that is not totally clear as he wasn't able to say much more before Ms. CW cut him off and said they would speak about it in a private call after the CFT. I assume she wanted to get details before this was brought into open discussion with BD#1 involved. It could have gotten heated, and for little reason. If Sunshine doesn't want to live with BD#2 there is little chance of a placement. So far she has refused his requests for phone visitation, although she did accept his facebook friend request. The mental health staff member and I both encouraged BD#2 to work on his relationship with Sunshine via facebook, but to not pressure her. Sunshine seemed confused, but pleased when she told us about the friend request, so there may be hope for developing some kind of relationship. It may never be a traditional father/daughter relationship, but a healthy grown up relationship with her bio roots would be good for Sunshine.
A few other details were discussed, then the call ended.
Relatively painless. Much more surprising than expected.
I was given the chance to report on the girls and how they are doing (all positive), and pass along a few requests from the bio family that they asked about at the memorial. One of those was for possible placement (not likely to happen due to past history, but they want to try). Bio dad for Bella and Bee weighed in and expressed his desire that the girls stay with us until he can take them. I was a bit surprised. He feels his girls are "happy and thriving" with us and he would rather they stay here then go to family. I think there is a lot going on in the family relationships we don't know about. We were ready to support the goal of kinship care, but with both BD and the girls preferring they stay with us we are likely to have them for at least the next six months. That is how long it will be before he can be considered for placement.
Another surprise; Sunshine's BD (let's call him BD#2) wanted to know why his home hadn't had a home study done. The implication was that he wants to be considered for placement. I assume he means for Sunshine only, but that is not totally clear as he wasn't able to say much more before Ms. CW cut him off and said they would speak about it in a private call after the CFT. I assume she wanted to get details before this was brought into open discussion with BD#1 involved. It could have gotten heated, and for little reason. If Sunshine doesn't want to live with BD#2 there is little chance of a placement. So far she has refused his requests for phone visitation, although she did accept his facebook friend request. The mental health staff member and I both encouraged BD#2 to work on his relationship with Sunshine via facebook, but to not pressure her. Sunshine seemed confused, but pleased when she told us about the friend request, so there may be hope for developing some kind of relationship. It may never be a traditional father/daughter relationship, but a healthy grown up relationship with her bio roots would be good for Sunshine.
A few other details were discussed, then the call ended.
Relatively painless. Much more surprising than expected.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Vision appointments, caseworker visit, a road trip, and a memorial service...
It has been a crazy few days.
Friday morning we had a visit from the girls' new caseworker (if you are keeping track, this makes caseworker #3 since they came into our care four weeks ago). It was a bit strange, but not unpleasant. She was very nice and spent quite a while talking with the girls. She has been working the case alongside their last caseworker for a week or so, so she is familiar with the case but this is her first time to actually meet the girls. She had to drive almost 6 hours to get here so that is not as strange as it sounds. One of the perks of such a distant placement is we don't have CPS constantly in our face, but they are also a bit unreachable at times, and travel is required on both ends. We got to ask some questions that have been lingering and get some answers finally. She also got to see our house in full crazy mode when my sisters showed up to pick up Bella and our oldest bio daughter for a day trip with my nieces to celebrate birthdays. There were lots of girls and lots of chatter and my sister and I trying to hash out last minute details. It was a bit overwhelming, but Ms. CW seemed amused by it all.
After Ms. CW left I took Sunshine and Bee over for their vision appointments. Bella was supposed to have one too, but we rescheduled for next week so she could go on the day trip. The appts went smoothly and Sunshine got a spare pair of glasses that will be in next week. She was a bit worried over what kind of frames CMDP (Arizona's foster care insurance) would cover, but she was pleasantly surprised with the number of choices. She said last time she got glasses she had only 10 pairs to choose from. Here, she had bunches. It was nice to see her happy with what she found. After hearing what her sisters had to say Bella is actually excited for her appointment so she can get her glasses ordered. Her current pair is broken, so we already know she needs a new pair.
The girls' family contacted them on Thursday to let them know their mother's memorial service had finally been scheduled for Sunday morning. Their mom passed away after they were taken into care, but just before they were placed with us and we have been waiting for a funeral date and time. We chose to take the girls ourselves rather than having a CPS worker take them when we were told they had to be supervised at ALL TIMES during the "visit". That means we had to be right by their side, listening to every conversation. Can you imagine being at your mother's memorial service and having a total stranger follow you around? Creepy. That is what it would be. Because there are three girls they would all have had to stay together at all times as well. With both me and hubby there the girls had more freedom to mingle and feel normal, even if we did have to follow them around. Everyone took it in stride and was nice about it, which was a pleasant surprise. It was a bit nerve racking making this trip, knowing we would meet all the family and not really knowing for sure how they felt about us. Everyone was kind, supportive of the girls, and excited to see them. They were appreciative of us bringing them and grateful we were caring for them rather than resentful or angry (which was what I had feared). They had a nice simple and sweet service, a bit of lunch, and a lot of visiting. The girls were able to spend a lot of time with their dad, who gave them each a piece of their mother's jewelry. When we finally left it was with lots of well wishes, hugs for the girls, and hopes of a family visit in the near future. These girls have a very supportive family who loves them very much. Unfortunately, a lot of bad choices have been made in the past that prevent the girls from being placed in kinship care for the present, but hopefully not for long term. The trip home was a long but enjoyable one. The girls were in high spirits and we had some fun conversations, and a new lunch experience for the girls. Just before we reached home Sunshine turned to me a smile and said "that was a fun trip."
I am so grateful we took them ourselves.
Not surprisingly after such a weekend Monday jumped up and bit me in the bum. I could hardly get out of bed yesterday. I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. I felt miserable on so many levels. Thankfully hubby stepped up and took care of the kids, the kids stepped up and took care of their chores, and after a day of rest I am back up on my feet. Just in time to jump into a week full of dental, doctor, and vision appointments! And a CFT...
Friday morning we had a visit from the girls' new caseworker (if you are keeping track, this makes caseworker #3 since they came into our care four weeks ago). It was a bit strange, but not unpleasant. She was very nice and spent quite a while talking with the girls. She has been working the case alongside their last caseworker for a week or so, so she is familiar with the case but this is her first time to actually meet the girls. She had to drive almost 6 hours to get here so that is not as strange as it sounds. One of the perks of such a distant placement is we don't have CPS constantly in our face, but they are also a bit unreachable at times, and travel is required on both ends. We got to ask some questions that have been lingering and get some answers finally. She also got to see our house in full crazy mode when my sisters showed up to pick up Bella and our oldest bio daughter for a day trip with my nieces to celebrate birthdays. There were lots of girls and lots of chatter and my sister and I trying to hash out last minute details. It was a bit overwhelming, but Ms. CW seemed amused by it all.
After Ms. CW left I took Sunshine and Bee over for their vision appointments. Bella was supposed to have one too, but we rescheduled for next week so she could go on the day trip. The appts went smoothly and Sunshine got a spare pair of glasses that will be in next week. She was a bit worried over what kind of frames CMDP (Arizona's foster care insurance) would cover, but she was pleasantly surprised with the number of choices. She said last time she got glasses she had only 10 pairs to choose from. Here, she had bunches. It was nice to see her happy with what she found. After hearing what her sisters had to say Bella is actually excited for her appointment so she can get her glasses ordered. Her current pair is broken, so we already know she needs a new pair.
The girls' family contacted them on Thursday to let them know their mother's memorial service had finally been scheduled for Sunday morning. Their mom passed away after they were taken into care, but just before they were placed with us and we have been waiting for a funeral date and time. We chose to take the girls ourselves rather than having a CPS worker take them when we were told they had to be supervised at ALL TIMES during the "visit". That means we had to be right by their side, listening to every conversation. Can you imagine being at your mother's memorial service and having a total stranger follow you around? Creepy. That is what it would be. Because there are three girls they would all have had to stay together at all times as well. With both me and hubby there the girls had more freedom to mingle and feel normal, even if we did have to follow them around. Everyone took it in stride and was nice about it, which was a pleasant surprise. It was a bit nerve racking making this trip, knowing we would meet all the family and not really knowing for sure how they felt about us. Everyone was kind, supportive of the girls, and excited to see them. They were appreciative of us bringing them and grateful we were caring for them rather than resentful or angry (which was what I had feared). They had a nice simple and sweet service, a bit of lunch, and a lot of visiting. The girls were able to spend a lot of time with their dad, who gave them each a piece of their mother's jewelry. When we finally left it was with lots of well wishes, hugs for the girls, and hopes of a family visit in the near future. These girls have a very supportive family who loves them very much. Unfortunately, a lot of bad choices have been made in the past that prevent the girls from being placed in kinship care for the present, but hopefully not for long term. The trip home was a long but enjoyable one. The girls were in high spirits and we had some fun conversations, and a new lunch experience for the girls. Just before we reached home Sunshine turned to me a smile and said "that was a fun trip."
I am so grateful we took them ourselves.
Not surprisingly after such a weekend Monday jumped up and bit me in the bum. I could hardly get out of bed yesterday. I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. I felt miserable on so many levels. Thankfully hubby stepped up and took care of the kids, the kids stepped up and took care of their chores, and after a day of rest I am back up on my feet. Just in time to jump into a week full of dental, doctor, and vision appointments! And a CFT...
Thursday, April 10, 2014
"I could never do foster care, I would just get too attached"
I was at the park yesterday chatting with a couple friends as our little ones played when the subject of foster care came up. When you foster, it gets brought up a LOT...usually by someone else, and it won't take long before you hear the phrase: "I could never do foster care. I would just get too attached."
Way back when we did foster care the first time this comment didn't phase me much. Hadn't I had the same thoughts when my husband first brought up the idea? It took a strong prompting from the Lord telling us (me) this was the path we needed to follow to convince me to give it a go. So, when people would share such thoughts I would nod in understanding, say something like "It can be really hard." and not think much of it, other than feeling a pang of guilt, like maybe I wasn't getting attached enough if I could still function after a child leaving.
Yesterday though, it struck me differently and I found myself struggling for a way to express my feelings. I felt like shouting: "So you think I don't get attached?!! Should only cold unfeeling people foster?? Just what are you saying??!" After a moment though I realized that the comment wasn't about ME, it was about THEM. You are doing a great thing that I admire, but its a really hard thing, and I just couldn't do it! The last part "I would just get too attached" isn't a judgment, it's a fear. I believe what is really meant is "I don't think I am strong enough to survive letting go." or even just "I don't want to go through the pain of letting go"
When this epiphany struck my first reflex was to alleviate the fear. (Which in retrospect is kind of ridiculous, because it is a valid fear and a reality of foster care). So I told them what I have told a lot of people: If you had to take your sister/cousin/other-family-member's children for some reason and care for them for awhile you would love them and nurture them, and then when their parents were able to take them back, you would happily reunite the family. You would miss them, but you would give them back because they are not yours to keep. (I do realize this is not a perfect analogy, but it relays the sentiment I was going for. There are many more aspects to foster care that can make it much, much more complicated than this. But, you get the idea.)
My friends nodded and looked understanding, but I felt like I hadn't really made an impression. So I tried again. I told them that It can be hard when kids leave, but you have to go into it realizing it isn't about you, it's about the kids. It's about giving them a good home.
I wasn't as eloquent as I would have liked. There were small children running all around us. We left the conversation there. I don't know if I made any sort of impression at all and reflecting on the conversation later I was a little frustrated that I hadn't been able to put into words a proper answer. It is an answer that requires a bit of reflection I believe. Today though I came across a blog post by Mary @ Adoption & Foster Care: My Personal Experiences that made me say "YES! THIS! This is what I wanted to say!!"
http://mamamem.blogspot.com/2014/04/foster-care-isnt-for-you.html
There was also a link to another post she had written a few years ago that she wrote in answer to this exact comment:
http://mamamem.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-could-never-do-foster-care.html
I am linking them here so that I can read and re-read them so the next time I hear "I could never do foster care..." I will have the words to express my heart better. Who knows, I may even be able to change someone else's.
Way back when we did foster care the first time this comment didn't phase me much. Hadn't I had the same thoughts when my husband first brought up the idea? It took a strong prompting from the Lord telling us (me) this was the path we needed to follow to convince me to give it a go. So, when people would share such thoughts I would nod in understanding, say something like "It can be really hard." and not think much of it, other than feeling a pang of guilt, like maybe I wasn't getting attached enough if I could still function after a child leaving.
Yesterday though, it struck me differently and I found myself struggling for a way to express my feelings. I felt like shouting: "So you think I don't get attached?!! Should only cold unfeeling people foster?? Just what are you saying??!" After a moment though I realized that the comment wasn't about ME, it was about THEM. You are doing a great thing that I admire, but its a really hard thing, and I just couldn't do it! The last part "I would just get too attached" isn't a judgment, it's a fear. I believe what is really meant is "I don't think I am strong enough to survive letting go." or even just "I don't want to go through the pain of letting go"
When this epiphany struck my first reflex was to alleviate the fear. (Which in retrospect is kind of ridiculous, because it is a valid fear and a reality of foster care). So I told them what I have told a lot of people: If you had to take your sister/cousin/other-family-member's children for some reason and care for them for awhile you would love them and nurture them, and then when their parents were able to take them back, you would happily reunite the family. You would miss them, but you would give them back because they are not yours to keep. (I do realize this is not a perfect analogy, but it relays the sentiment I was going for. There are many more aspects to foster care that can make it much, much more complicated than this. But, you get the idea.)
My friends nodded and looked understanding, but I felt like I hadn't really made an impression. So I tried again. I told them that It can be hard when kids leave, but you have to go into it realizing it isn't about you, it's about the kids. It's about giving them a good home.
I wasn't as eloquent as I would have liked. There were small children running all around us. We left the conversation there. I don't know if I made any sort of impression at all and reflecting on the conversation later I was a little frustrated that I hadn't been able to put into words a proper answer. It is an answer that requires a bit of reflection I believe. Today though I came across a blog post by Mary @ Adoption & Foster Care: My Personal Experiences that made me say "YES! THIS! This is what I wanted to say!!"
http://mamamem.blogspot.com/2014/04/foster-care-isnt-for-you.html
There was also a link to another post she had written a few years ago that she wrote in answer to this exact comment:
http://mamamem.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-could-never-do-foster-care.html
I am linking them here so that I can read and re-read them so the next time I hear "I could never do foster care..." I will have the words to express my heart better. Who knows, I may even be able to change someone else's.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Case notes
A few Goings On in the next few months...
We have a Report and Review court date in June. The girls' cw told me they need to be there...and totally acted like I wasn't supposed to be, then when I spoke with our cw about how the girls would get there she emphasized that I was REQUIRED to be there, by phone at LEAST, but that it would be better to be there in person. Apparently, this is when the foster parents are supposed to report on how the kids are doing in the home. It is one of the few times when we get to be heard, and the CPS cw apparently doesn't think that is important. *sigh* SO...an eight our round trip is on the schedule for June.
The teens may also be starting visitations with Bio Dad. It isn't guaranteed, just "in the works". Ya, that could mean anywhere from a couple weeks to never. I am not even sure if this is something that will be decided in court in June, or if it is up to the cw's discretion. The girls are excited about the possibility though, especially Bella. I wouldn't have chosen to tell them and get hopes up about something that MAY happen, but the cw needed actual confirmation from the girls that they wanted visitation. The girls' have already been having phone contact with Bio Dad for the past couple weeks (supervised *speaker phone* calls), but the cw wasn't sure that would mean they would be okay with face to face contact. They talk to their dad almost every night, a fact that did not seem to please the cw when I mentioned it when she called today. These calls are authorized, but I think she believed the contact would be more sporadic. I support the calls though. The girls need this contact with their only living parent. To deny them that would be cruel. Their father is very respectful and appropriate and supportive of the girls and before he hangs up each night he prays with them. Which I think is wonderful. He is far from perfect, but from what I hear he is trying his best to become the father his girls need. I pray he can make the changes needed and stick with them because that would be the best outcome for our girls. I don't know what the court view is though. With CPS things can go any which way and I don't have a clue if they are even considering reunification with Bio Dad! The possibility of visitation is a good sign though, so we will pray for the best.
Despite visitations it looks like we may have the girls a good long while. Even if Bio Dad is considered he won't be an option for at least 6 months to a year while he completes his treatment program. The Aunt and Uncle that were being homestudied to take the girls may no longer be a possibility. It's not official, but an email to Sunshine made it clear that they are no longer wanting the girls to come live with them. It was rather harsh, but other than being a bit annoyed at the tone of the message the girls handled it calmly. In Sunshine's words (with a shrug) "I'd rather stay here for six months until we can go with my Dad anyway." I was a bit surprised, and grateful that they are happy and comfortable here. Things may change (like 50 times) as we go through the next few months, but it is good to know they are okay with being here for awhile.
We have a Report and Review court date in June. The girls' cw told me they need to be there...and totally acted like I wasn't supposed to be, then when I spoke with our cw about how the girls would get there she emphasized that I was REQUIRED to be there, by phone at LEAST, but that it would be better to be there in person. Apparently, this is when the foster parents are supposed to report on how the kids are doing in the home. It is one of the few times when we get to be heard, and the CPS cw apparently doesn't think that is important. *sigh* SO...an eight our round trip is on the schedule for June.
The teens may also be starting visitations with Bio Dad. It isn't guaranteed, just "in the works". Ya, that could mean anywhere from a couple weeks to never. I am not even sure if this is something that will be decided in court in June, or if it is up to the cw's discretion. The girls are excited about the possibility though, especially Bella. I wouldn't have chosen to tell them and get hopes up about something that MAY happen, but the cw needed actual confirmation from the girls that they wanted visitation. The girls' have already been having phone contact with Bio Dad for the past couple weeks (supervised *speaker phone* calls), but the cw wasn't sure that would mean they would be okay with face to face contact. They talk to their dad almost every night, a fact that did not seem to please the cw when I mentioned it when she called today. These calls are authorized, but I think she believed the contact would be more sporadic. I support the calls though. The girls need this contact with their only living parent. To deny them that would be cruel. Their father is very respectful and appropriate and supportive of the girls and before he hangs up each night he prays with them. Which I think is wonderful. He is far from perfect, but from what I hear he is trying his best to become the father his girls need. I pray he can make the changes needed and stick with them because that would be the best outcome for our girls. I don't know what the court view is though. With CPS things can go any which way and I don't have a clue if they are even considering reunification with Bio Dad! The possibility of visitation is a good sign though, so we will pray for the best.
Despite visitations it looks like we may have the girls a good long while. Even if Bio Dad is considered he won't be an option for at least 6 months to a year while he completes his treatment program. The Aunt and Uncle that were being homestudied to take the girls may no longer be a possibility. It's not official, but an email to Sunshine made it clear that they are no longer wanting the girls to come live with them. It was rather harsh, but other than being a bit annoyed at the tone of the message the girls handled it calmly. In Sunshine's words (with a shrug) "I'd rather stay here for six months until we can go with my Dad anyway." I was a bit surprised, and grateful that they are happy and comfortable here. Things may change (like 50 times) as we go through the next few months, but it is good to know they are okay with being here for awhile.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Settling in
The teens came home from their first days of school with positive reviews. They liked the kids, the school was okay, teachers are no worse than anywhere else, and even the food was good!
The only complaint is that the AIMS tests (AZ's standardized testing) will be next week and the girls are not familiar with a LOT of the material that will be covered. They are doing reviews in class this week, but Bee and Bella (especially Bella) say they are not familiar with about half of the subject matter. In Bella's words: "I haven't even heard of half of this stuff!" She is pretty stressed. Unfortunately this is a typical side effect of foster care. These girls have been in care four times over the past three years...in 6 different homes. That is a lot of shuffling. But it isn't unusual. Especially not for older kids/teens. When homes are shuffled so are schools, usually in the middle of the school year, and the results are huge gaping holes in these kids' education that can create stress and really damage self-esteem. Smart kids start to feel dumb, and kids with learning disabilities?? They start to feel like they can never catch up, so why even try? I can't even imagine dealing with these kind of issues as a kid! Fortunately, my girls have very positive attitudes about life and are trying their best to jump into their school work. They are very smart and determined so I am hoping that if we can just keep them here with us through the rest of this school year they will get caught up and do okay. Then when/if they go to a relative placement they will be on track to start the new school year with everyone else. There will still be holes though, and hopefully they will get filled in. Continuity will be the key and I pray they get enough of that to make a difference.
The only complaint is that the AIMS tests (AZ's standardized testing) will be next week and the girls are not familiar with a LOT of the material that will be covered. They are doing reviews in class this week, but Bee and Bella (especially Bella) say they are not familiar with about half of the subject matter. In Bella's words: "I haven't even heard of half of this stuff!" She is pretty stressed. Unfortunately this is a typical side effect of foster care. These girls have been in care four times over the past three years...in 6 different homes. That is a lot of shuffling. But it isn't unusual. Especially not for older kids/teens. When homes are shuffled so are schools, usually in the middle of the school year, and the results are huge gaping holes in these kids' education that can create stress and really damage self-esteem. Smart kids start to feel dumb, and kids with learning disabilities?? They start to feel like they can never catch up, so why even try? I can't even imagine dealing with these kind of issues as a kid! Fortunately, my girls have very positive attitudes about life and are trying their best to jump into their school work. They are very smart and determined so I am hoping that if we can just keep them here with us through the rest of this school year they will get caught up and do okay. Then when/if they go to a relative placement they will be on track to start the new school year with everyone else. There will still be holes though, and hopefully they will get filled in. Continuity will be the key and I pray they get enough of that to make a difference.
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