Upcoming tonsilectomy!

Bella's ENT appointment last Monday went well.

The Dr. took one look at her tonsils and told us they definitely need to come out, and sooner rather than later. He said they are huge (the same thing her pediatrician and the PA in their office said when they saw them), and that it is obvious from their appearance that they have been fighting infection for years.

They should have come out a long time ago.

Bella told us she has been to a few doctors about her sore throats, but they always told her they needed a "history" of the ongoing problem (meaning they have to have seen her in their office for the problem multiple times within 6 months).

Yeah, that isn't really feasible when you are bouncing back and forth in and out of foster care and from placement to placement.

I don't know what is wrong with those other doctors, as the ENT says he can see just from looking at them that this has been and on going problem. The doctor even expressed concern on NOT taking them out right away. He said the tonsils are so bad that there is a substantial risk of an abcess forming, a condition that could be life threatening.

So we said "Let's do it! How soon can we schedule the surgery?" Bella was so excited she was bouncing in her chair (an end to pain and feeling terrible!). The doctor said he could get her in within a week or two (Yay!), but did we have the paperwork that says I can approve the procedure? Well, of course I have the Notice to Provider form! (This is the paper that I have to give to every medical professional the girls see, as well as the schools that says I am their foster parent and have the authority to sign paperwork and make basic medical/educational decisions) What? That isn't the form we need?

Turns out we have to have an actual court order before we can even schedule the operation.

So I call their caseworker. She says she will start the paperwork.

I call again a few days later to check on it (this is the only way to make sure things don't sit on someone's desk for extended periods of time...CPS wheels turn slow). She tells me she has filled out the proper forms and submitted everything to the AL. Now it is up to the AL to submit the paperwork to the court.

I do not have contact info for the AL. I do not even know the AL's name. I do not even know what the "AL" is! I am assuming she meant GAL or Guardian ad Litem (This is a person, often an attorney, who is appointed by the court to represent the interests of foster child/children in a particular court case. They are supposed to meet with the kids and get to know their needs and all particulars of the case so that they can best represent and advocate for the children's best interests. They have a huge influence in court. I don't even know if the girls have a GAL.)

Ms. CW told me that as soon as the paperwork went through and the court order was given, the ENT's office would be contacted, and they would in turn contact me.

We are still waiting to hear anything. I have been waiting for Monday so I can call Ms. CW again and hopefully get her to call the AL and find out where the process is at. I will not be surprised if I am told no one knows anything and we just have to wait.

CPS stinks.

The days march on...

The last couple weeks have been busy with Sunshine and Bee's birthdays just one week apart (we had two very fun, very different parties), soccer practices and games, two family visits (one with bio aunts/uncles/cousins, one with bio dad), miscellaneous appointments, parent/teacher conferences, and an ER visit.

Sunshine woke up with severe back pain Saturday and the ER was our only option. Thankfully they were able to help her without a lot of hassle and we were back home and she was pain free within a few hours. I hate waiting around at the ER, it always stresses me out.

I didn't even get to all the kids' conferences in. I have SIX kids in school and FOUR of them have multiple teachers, and all three schools held their conferences on the same day. It was an impossible task to say the least, but I did my best. Everyone seems to be doing well in school. No one has straight A's by any means, but no one is failing! Honestly, I would like to see C's brought up, but I can be satisfied with a C if they are working as hard as they can.

We still have more appointments to come this next week: ENT for Bella to address ongoing throat/tonsil issues. Sports physical for Bee. Counseling sessions for all three teens. Youth leader meetings for me (I was recently asked to serve as a youth leader for the young women in our church). With a family this large the appointments never end (by the middle of the week they all seem to multiply as well). Mixed in with the appointments is also our last week of Soccer practices and games.

Soccer is almost over! Saturday will be the final tournament games and closing ceremonies! I have to admit I will miss it. Coaching the two little ones' team has actually been pretty fun. It is a joy watching the 3-5 year olds chase the ball around their tiny little field, having a blast! I have also loved cheering on our two older soccer players this year, it has been a fun season all around!

September is almost over, and October has snuck up on us! We are getting geared up for Halloween already (two costumes checked off and put away! Only five more to go...), and I have already started my Christmas shopping in hopes of getting most of it done before the holiday crunch (it also helps the budget to spread out the cost over a few months). I am actually feeling on top of things (holiday related) right now!!

Birthdays in Foster care

We have one birthday down this month and one to go.  So, I am going to take a minute and talk about birthdays for foster kids.

Because birthdays are tricky in foster care.

You never know what is going to happen.

That kid that seems so excited to celebrate may suddenly beg to cancel their party when the grief of spending it away from their birth family hits them. A previously cheerful child may become withdrawn and depressed as a birthday approaches. Your timid and shy child may blossom and glow under the attention and recognition they never before recieved, or they may run and hide and become angry that you are the one who is giving them what they always wanted from their birth parents. There can be laughter, but there will usually also be tears. A birthday is a day of celebration, but it can also be a reminder of loss. I am not saying birthdays shouldn't be celebrated in foster care. They most certainly should be celebrated. It is something that should be approached with sensitivity, compassion, and understanding though.

When planning a party for a foster child, you should always involve the child. Find out what their expectations are and discuss realistically what you can or are willing to provide (some kids will ask for the moon, but settle for ice cream if you explain your budget limitations - other kids will be surprised and thrilled they get their very own party/cake/gifts). Include them in your family's birthday traditions, and ask them if they have any birthday traditions they would like to observe. Be considerate of your child's comfort level; If they get overwhelmed by crowds, keep the party small. If they are nervous around unfamiliar people, only invite family and close friends whom they know well. If they are easily overstimulated, keep decorations, invites, and number of gifts minimal. Plan around your child, and remember this is about them, not showing the world what a great parent you are by throwing an amazing shindig. (honestly this is something I have to remind myself with all my kids' parties. No one is judging! ok...some people are, but why do we care?) If a party isn't in the cards there are many other ways to acknowledge a birthday and make your child feel special; make a special birthday meal (any meal will do! Birthday breakfasts are a huge tradition for many families, but a one-on-one lunch will make any kid feel special and a kid-picked dinner is always a hit.), go on a special outing as a family or as a "date" with just the birthday child, make the child king/queen for the day, etc, etc.

It doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you make your foster child feel special and loved and make sure they know their existence is a reason to celebrate! Respect any feelings of sadness or loss, but encourage (not force) them to celebrate their special day in whatever way is comfortable for them.

Multiple times I have seen a birthday celebration be a turning point or huge leap forward in my relationships with my foster children. This is a chance to show them you care! It doesn't take a lot of money, just some time and maybe a little sacrifice. It is worth whatever you put into it 100x over.

It's Life.

So we have "worked out" the missing stipend check issue. Ha. What that really means is that I jumped through their hoops. I got a form signed and notarized saying I never got my check and that I want a new one, and mailed it off. Now we wait 5-10 business days (hopefully - CPS is not known for being prompt or caring about their own timelines) for them to issue a new one. Which means it will probably get here right around the same time as this months check (or shortly after). Crazy ridiculous. It is amazing how bad the state treats foster parents. I get that not all foster homes are good. There are lots of bad ones. Is that really a good reason to just assume we are ALL bad and should be treated badly though? Even the girls' caseworker agreed we were treated harshly. The payment people were just all so RUDE. Whatever though. We can't change it and I have to get past it. The only other option is to just quit (which honestly, I was very tempted to do this past week). Quitting would throw these three girls back into the broken system though, which would most likely split them up and place at least one of them if not all three into group homes. That would be terrible and traumatic to them all. Group homes are not good places. I am only still in this because I love these girls too much to allow that to happen. I feel so beat down by it all though.

We took a break from it all though and went ahead and took a camping trip over labor day weekend. We camped with my sister and her family and it was a fun family time. Between our two families we had SIX teenagers and eight kids between 11 and 4 years. You would think it would have been chaotic, but instead it was fun and relaxing.

Now we are bracing for two birthdays right on top of each other, and a week full of appointments. With seven kids it never slows down.